Inner-Evolution Counseling

An Attitude of Gratitude

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gratitudeBeing thankful can be hard because life can be hard. At this time of year we’re supposed to break bread, be nice and give thanks for what we have. For some of us this will come naturally but for others it can be a challenge or even seem impossible. Times of illness, loss, or loneliness can’t be removed from our realities but we can learn to find space within pain to take solace in gratitude. Looking on the bright side wherever possible has been scientifically proven to yield numerous health benefits. The most significant of these is resilience. The ability to bounce back is strengthened when we take the opportunity to cultivate a sense of appreciation for even the smallest positive aspects of life.   Read on for a few tips on how you can begin to master the art of thankfulness.

  1. Decide to say THANK YOU as often as possible. Go out of your way to find the people who deserve your thanks. Send an old fashioned note in the mail, pick up the phone and call someone who deserves a thank you, or do it in person. Don’t forget to thank yourself. Yes, you deserve thanks too.  
  2. Instead of simply listing what you’re grateful for, try to deepen the experience. Doing this helps to install what you’re grateful for into your long term memory. Our brains naturally hold on to negative experiences but positive ones tend to slip out of our awareness. The good news is that we change this. For example- suppose you see a beautiful sunrise. Adding it to your gratitude list is a start but what if you took a picture of it and shared it with someone you care about? Imagine if you described the sunset to a co-worker and went into detail about the colors? Taking it a step further,  count your blessings aloud -“Waking up to a beautiful sunrise really set the tone for my day.”
  3. Start small. Look for the smallest things possible to be thankful for. Picking the right jacket for the weather, remembering to charge your phone, or having plenty of gas in a traffic jam can be cause for celebration.
  4. Start and end your day with gratitude. In the morning write down 3 things you’re grateful for and in the evening take note of 3 good things that happened during the day.
  5. If all else fails, turn to wonder. On the days when gratitude practice just isn’t happening, call upon curiosity. Ask questions that take you away from frustration or anxiety and toward a sense of awe about the world around you. Wishing you a peaceful Thanksgiving and a heart filled with gratitude!

Filed Under: BLOG, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Know Before You Go: Strategies for Seeing a Therapist

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You’ve recognized a need to get some help and are ready to take the first step. Now what? Here are ten strategies to get the most out of the therapy hour.

  1. Be choosy. It’s ok to screen potential therapists. Credentials are important because they give you a clue about what approach the therapist was trained in. Ultimately though,  the most important consideration is how you feel with the therapist. Do they seem interested and capable? Do you sense that they enjoy their work? Do you trust them to guide you toward your goals?
  2. Once you decide on a therapist give it 3 sessions. Therapists are only human and the process does take a little time. It’s not unusual to feel uncomfortable, or uncertain whether therapy is helping. Commit to at least 3 sessions to give yourself the chance to understand how the process works and decide if a particular therapist is a good fit to help you.
  3. Take care of payment and ask about scheduling or billing questions at the top of the hour. Getting the logistics out the way gives you plenty of space to use your time efficiently.
  4. Bring a notebook. Jot down takeaways during the session as well as reflections/observations during your week. Important insights might seem obvious when they’re occurring but might be lost if  they’re not written down.
  5. Set the intention of making therapy a top priority and make a commitment to yourself to stick with it. Keep working outside the therapy time. Dedicate time and space to practice the skills you’re learning and complete assignments you’re given.
  6. View therapy as co-created alliance. You will set the agenda and your therapist will offer guidance support and strategies to help you reach your goals. If you’re not sure what goals don’t be afraid to speak up. A competent therapist will speak up and guide the process but if that doesn’t happen let your voice be heard.
  7. Be honest. Say what’s on your mind during therapy. This might be the only interaction you have all week that allows you to fully speak your mind without fear of being judged. Good therapy means working toward authenticity and understanding that the process is messy at times.
  8. Know that you will bring your habits into therapy. Issues going on in your life will often show up during the therapy hour. A skilled therapist will kindly but firmly shine the light on this and help you develop new ways of operating.
  9. Be aware who you share your story with. If you’re confiding in friends or family about your therapy experience, protect yourself from unsolicited opinions and advice. Helpful support attempts can sometimes sabotage your therapy. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out for support as long as it’s from those who will genuinely offer it.
  10. Keep your sense of humor. Laughter and light-heartedness are the hallmarks of resilience. Yes, the issues you are struggling with are serious but activating the power of the human spirit can offer a soothing balm during painful times.

 

Filed Under: BLOG, Inner wisdom, Intention, Mindfulness, Therapy Tagged With: , ,

Choices

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choicesThe choices we make all day every day not only create our reality, they create who we ARE.

We make hundreds of choices every day; some consciously and some out of habit. Whether we’re deciding what shoes to put on in the morning or whether to greet the day with a smile we all have the freedom to choose. Sometimes though, we allow this unlimited freedom to slip into the background and instead wind up resigning ourselves to choices that limit or restrict our options. We start telling ourselves stories to go along with the choices and pretty soon language has created reality. Many of us want to tell ourselves a new story but old habits have created deep grooves that can seem impossible to step out of. Here are three ways to begin creating a new path for choices that reflect the life you want to be living.

  1. Claim your inner wisdom. We all have a logical/reasoning side as well as an emotional/feeling side. Inner wisdom resides deep in the space where these two parts meet. Learning how to balance head and heart strengthens our capacity to activate the deep knowing that resides within us all.  This sense of intuition or inner wisdom is where we want our choices to spring from.
  2. Practice mindfulness. Present moment, non-judgmental awareness is the most efficient way to connect to your inner wisdom. There’s no short cut but starting small can yield big results. Try mindful handwashing. As you’re getting ready to wash your hands take a few deep breaths and silently give a play by play of each step of the process. Observe yourself  washing your hands- or simply notice your breathing while you wash. Taking just a minute to be in the here and now serves as a powerful anchor that grounds you and brings you to a more balanced place to make choices.
  3. Develop a sense of “mental toughness”. This is especially powerful if you find yourself making choices out of fear. Practice being thick skinned. Imagine things rolling off your back. Imagine the worst case scenario along with your best case response. If you can’t imagine standing your own ground or handling distress, begin with the smallest step you can envision taking.

Your life consists of a series of small choices made over time. Authentic living requires taking a stand and committing to consciously make choices from the healthiest, most balanced part of who we are. Your life is a message to the world. What do you want it to be?

 

Filed Under: BLOG, Choice, Compassion, Inner wisdom

Embrace the Season! Self Care Meet Up for Women

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Ladies, let’s do this! Make this the year you put yourself on the to do list. We’ve designed a meet up experience that will give you the tools you need to kick holiday stress to the curb while making new friends in the process. All you have to do is show up.

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Filed Under: BLOG

Today’s a great day to get started.

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     Today is a good day to start showing yourself more kindness. It’s a wonderful time of year to stand up for yourself and claim your right to enjoy all of the caring, friendly, compassionate qualities you regular share with others. There is no better time to get started than now. It may require starting by taking the very smallest step possible but I assure you, with practice you will reap the rewards that naturally follow any act of self-caring. It’s ok to question how or why to get started, but that can produce a whole stack of obstacles for some. Instead, start by asking  new questions:
  • I wonder what my life will look like when I become a better friend to myself?
  • What kind of positive shifts will I experience?
  • How would my current relationships change or improve if I showed myself more self-compassion?
Once you’ve reflected on those questions, the next step may be to start working with a few affirmations:
  • I treat myself with care and compassion, especially when I’m struggling.
  • I’m no better and no worse than anyone else.
  • As I strengthen my ability to be on my own side, life gets brighter for me.
     Another powerful practice is to envision standing up for yourself and being self-compassionate. Here’s a simple guided meditation to give you a starting point. Find a comfortable seated position. You can also practice this as you fall asleep at night. Studies have shown that what we think about during the 15 minutes before we fall asleep has a powerful long term effect on our overall health and wellness. Turn your attention to your breath. Inhaling and exhaling through the nose. Nothing fancy, just noticing the breath enter and exit. Your belly fills on the inhale and empties on the exhale. Let your eyes be soft (an eye pillow is a great investment) and bring to mind a time when you stood up for someone. It might be as recently as yesterday. Or perhaps it’s a distant memory of standing up to the school bully on behalf of a classmate. Have you ever used your voice to speak kind words or your hands to help a friend? Call up as many details as possible.
     Visualize that moment in your mind’s eye. Try to imagine how you stood, exactly what you said, what was the look in your eyes? What feelings might have welled up in your heart? How important is it to protect and stand up for your closest friends/family? What feelings and values can you feel alive inside of you when you bring this image to mind? Once you have a vivid memory of what you look like, how you feel and what you’re thinking, hold it in your mind. Now, see if you can imagine applying this kindness, strength, loyalty, compassion (and whatever other inner resources describe you when you are showing compassion for someone else) to yourself. Imagine what it would feel like to have you at your very kindest, showing up on the scene when you, at your very lowest, could use a friend the most.
     Pause here to experience every detail in your imagination. Take a few more deep breaths as you imagine yourself walking away from the scene. In your mind’s eye, pause, look over your shoulder and take one more moment to seal this image of yourself being kind to yourself.
     Give yourself the time and space to work with this visualization. A few minutes a few times a week would be a good starting point. www.self-compassion.org has a wide variety of resources. The next time you find yourself passing time on the internet, hop over there for a minute and take a look. Today’s a great day to get started!

Filed Under: BLOG, Compassion, Intention, Mindfulness, Wellness