Here is the brutal truth: there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to handle grief. People, in general, like to think there is one path you must follow or certain steps you must take to get to some imaginary ‘other side’… but there isn’t. Grief, and how each person handles it, is unique and specific to your exact relationship with the person or thing you are grieving. 

For example, think about a person who has lost their spouse. The loss of a spouse is a terrible thing, and also not the only loss if the married couple had children - but their grief is not the same simply because they all lost the same person. They each miss different things. And they grieve the loss of different roles their loved one played in their past or things that they  would have done in each of their futures. 

We don’t have the perfect answer on how to grieve.  What worked for me may not work for you. And that has to be okay. You are allowed to make your family Thanksgiving dinner while wearing an apron that reminds you of your momma. Let the kids help make their grandma’s favorite dessert and tell stories about her. Wrap gifts listening to the music your daddy loved. Wear one of his ties around your waist as a belt. Set places for them at the table and allow yourself the space to feel however you feel in that moment. 

Give yourself grace, and know that everything might not be ‘perfect’ this year, or ever again. The picture in your head of how you imagined the holidays is drawn with light strokes of a pencil; easily erased and drawn differently, as many times as you need or want. So make new traditions that help you honor the people you loved and lost. Honor them with a special story, a favorite recipe, light a candle, pray. Do what your heart tells you is right to do. And know that, when you need a shoulder to cry on, you have people in your life you can count on to be that shoulder. 

For more resources, check out https://optionb.org/holidays. 

Interested in scheduling an appointment or asking Kitty questions? kristen@inner-evolution.com