By Kristen "Kitty" Hovatter LGMFT
Do you have a neurodivergent child? Do you have days when you cannot for the life of you understand how to parent them effectively? Are there days when you are so exhausted that you just doom scroll social media for a break from your kids’ stream-of-consciousness babble, popcorn thoughts, food avoidances, weird obsessions… the seeming inability of your kids to do schoolwork without being prompted 20 times… the way teachers always seem to ask you how to make your kids cooperate… how your kids never seem to understand routines…the list goes on and on.
You’re not alone! Many parents of neurodivergent children feel the same exhaustion and some feelings of hopelessness as you. So what do you do? How do you fix it? How do you handle it?
If you’re like me, you handle it with resilience, a lot of yelling random things at your kids (like “we don’t ride the pink lawn flamingos” or “since when do you not like ham?!”) while other parents look on, bemused, wondering if you’re okay. And let’s be honest, some days you handle it about as well as a cat handles a bath. We all get burned out and exhausted and don’t know what to do anymore.
We need resources! We need tips, tricks, sometimes a kid-whisperer, we need help and support. The same as our kids do. And one thing I have learned in my practice and as a mom to three neurodivergent kids, is that what worked yesterday may not work today. What does work is having a toolbox of sorts full of tips, tricks, strategies, and schedules for the kids. And each kid needs a different thing at a different time.
So what are these toolbox items? Well, they’re many. I started my kids with calm-down kits. Little dollar store boxes my kids filled with stress-relief items of their choosing. Sensory items, fidget toys, silly putty. And I put them in the main rooms of the house, the car, the classroom-everywhere and anywhere my kids might need a calming item depending on where we were and what was going on.
I also loved, and could never have gotten along without, the Little Spot of Emotion book series by Diane Alber (Amazon.com: A Little SPOT of Emotion 8 Plush Toys with Feelings Book Box Set: 9781951287399: Alber, Diane, Alber, Diane: Books). This book series helped me give my kids the vocabulary they needed to tell me their feelings, and then we could figure out what to do from there. Increasing the understanding of emotions and learning how my kids expressed them helped us to better communicate and understand one another.
Another favorite of mine is the youtube channel How to ADHD - YouTube by Jessica McCabe - who has a book by the same name full of helpful information! She gives short, easy to follow instructions for how to navigate school and work while living with ADHD - as a person who has had to learn these things from experience.
Now, this list of resources could go on for days - and probably does on TikTok. The number one thing I think all parents of a neurodivergent child needs is to know they are doing their best, they’re not alone, and it will all be okay someday.
Parenting a neurodivergent child can be overwhelming, but remember—you are the expert on your own child. My role is to combine that insight with my professional experience and lived experience as a parent of neurodivergent kids, helping you find strategies, routines, and tools that actually work. Many parents wait too long to ask for support, often feeling guilty, worried, or unsure if help exists—but reaching out early can prevent burnout, reduce stress, and make life easier for both you and your child. Asking for guidance isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous, important step toward building the support and confidence your family deserves.
Kitty is now accepting new clients for virtual sessions.