How to talk to your child about school shootings
How to Talk to Children About School Shootings: A Trauma-Informed Approach
Talking to children about school shootings is an incredibly challenging but necessary conversation in today’s world. As parents and caregivers, it’s important to address these sensitive topics with care and empathy, while using a trauma-informed approach. Here's how to guide these discussions while offering emotional support to your child:
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings and Create a Safe Space
School shootings can be traumatic for children, even if they weren’t directly involved. It’s important to recognize that they may feel scared, confused, or anxious, and they need space to express those emotions. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it's okay to feel whatever they’re experiencing. Creating a supportive environment helps children feel safe to talk about difficult topics.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), children often need validation of their feelings after traumatic events. Encourage them to ask questions and be open to listening without judgment.
2. Use Age-Appropriate Language
Tailor your discussion to your child’s age and developmental stage. For younger children, focus on basic safety concepts and avoid going into graphic detail. For older children or teens, you can offer more detailed information but still emphasize safety and their ability to seek help from trusted adults.
For example, young children can be reassured by saying, “There are people like teachers and police who work hard to keep you safe.” Older children might benefit from a more in-depth conversation where you acknowledge their concerns and explore ways to feel empowered, such as knowing safety protocols at school.
3. Emphasize Safety and Reassure Them
Children need to feel safe after hearing about traumatic events. Let them know that while these events are scary, they are rare, and there are measures in place to keep them protected, like lockdown drills and secure entrances. This reassurance helps reduce anxiety and restores a sense of normalcy.
As highlighted by SAMHSA and PTSD experts, reinforcing feelings of safety and routine are key to helping children cope after a school shooting.
4. Allow Emotional Expression
Encourage children to express their emotions in ways that feel natural to them. Whether it’s through talking, drawing, or writing, it’s important that they have a healthy outlet for their feelings. Let them know that you are available for ongoing support and that it’s okay to revisit the conversation if they have more questions later.
Resources like SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline suggest providing opportunities for children to express their fears and reassuring them that it’s normal to have those feelings after hearing about or experiencing traumatic events.
5. Provide Structure and Routine
One of the best ways to help children recover from trauma is by maintaining routine and structure. Returning to normal activities, such as school, family routines, and playtime, helps restore a sense of stability. According to the National Center for PTSD, routine provides children with a sense of control, which is essential after experiencing a traumatic event.
6. Be Honest but Don’t Overwhelm Them
Children appreciate honesty, but it’s important to avoid overwhelming them with too much detail. Provide clear, factual information when they ask questions, but stick to the facts without sensationalizing the event. Being upfront, yet gentle, helps children understand the situation without feeling overwhelmed by fear.
Further Resources
Several trauma response guides can help support these conversations. Some recommended resources include:
- The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) offers guidelines on helping children cope with mass violence and school shootings. These resources provide specific tips based on a child's age and developmental level.
- SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline provides 24/7 support for individuals experiencing distress related to traumatic events. Call or text 1-800-985-5990 for more support.
- The PTSD National Center offers advice for helping children feel safe, calm, and connected in the aftermath of traumatic events.
By approaching the conversation with sensitivity and a trauma-informed lens, you can help your child process their emotions and build resilience in the face of difficult events.